safe
Tuesday, October 2, 2007i haven't blogged in a while. i guess i've been so caught up trying to fix the dailies, right now i've got some time to burn. so i guess i have to admit to myself that i have taken the easy way out of things…or sometimes maybe i went with the flow too much.
right now, i am in a safe relationship. but i guess you would've predicted that by now if you've been reading my posts. i've found a best friend and a lover in one, but it's funny, because how i feel about mik now, doesn't come close to how i used to feel about jo. someone loves more in a relationship i guess, but i feel so mediocre about this. it's like something i'm doing to pass the time. sometimes i find myself fearing that i will never feel the way i used to again. my heart doesn't seem to work the same way anymore.
i am lucky in a way though. i have a normal and wonderful boyfriend who treats me like a princess. but i guess there are always cons to every relationship, something wrong with every guy. mik is poor. he doesn't have savings. he works for his family bec his entire family is dependent on him for money (thats the mom, dad and the sibling). i guess, i really don't have much financial security with him. but in our dates he pays for everything, but that's bec he spends all his money on either me or his family. i know it sounds so materialistic, but it's because of this that i feel so ho-hum about our future. there is nothing worse than your folks telling you they don't like him for you, for reasons that you don't like him for you either. when i have a family, i want them to have everything. i want them to study in these damn expensive schools that my parents sent me to…and i just don't think mik can give me that. i know, whatta bitch.. but it's very hard. i am only starting to realize now, how different me and mik are.
first off, i dream of pursuing my career and being successful in it. successful and rich. mik doesn't think money is the be all and end all of all happiness, and it isn't. but it sure as hell does help a lot. i'm afraid that this is all going to come back to me sometime. here i am complaining about how off i feel, when my boyfriend treats me like i should be treated. i swear to god, he was the one i prayed for, all those nights i lay crying and promising myself that i will never again settle for a relationship like jo's…and i got it, and there's another catch.
in the meantime, i am young, and i guess i need companionship and someone i can also take care of. that's mik, for now.
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