my life’s new chapter

endings and openings. that's what life is all about for me now. i think joe's made his last attempt at contacting me, and i realized how lucky i am to have mik in my life.

i had thought about it for a week. mik was asking me if i loved him already. i couldn't answer that last week. suddenly i thought maybe commitment isn't my thing anymore. i take having a boyfriend seriously…or atleast i thought i used to.

i had gotten sick since my last post. i was bedridden for a week and i had to see 2 doctors. mig was there, skipping out earlt from work so he can take care of me and bring me to the hospital. i needed a doctor. and how ironic it was that last year, i sort of had a doctor in my life. and now he's not here for me at all..the person who soothe me the most was mik.

i found an old card i had bought, it was about always being there. it was perfect for mik, and i realized over the past few weeks that maybe this can work out even if i seem to be (again) against most odds. it's time to be with someone who will really take care of me, someone i can always count on…my bestfriend, my doctor, my personal comedian, my knight in shining armor and relaxer…that was mik. at this point, all thoughts of joe gave me a feeling of indifference, like i would never have to come across him again ever and i guess i was happy about that. so i wrote mik my first love letter. i told him i loved him and i thanked him for always being there for me. it was so funny because i had just come home from the casino and mik and i won a pretty big jackpot together.

i finished the letter and i was still wondering how and when i was going to give it tomorrow. since we were leaving early to go shopping and spend our winnings, i was actually wondering if i wanted to really be in a commitment…but right now if there was anyone i wanted to have as my boyfriend…it was mik.

i was getting ready for the next day's shopping when a text came at 2:30am. unknown number.

"hi. are you still awake?"

"who is this" i replied.

"joe."

somehow at that point, i wished i never replied. although i'm not really the type. and so i gave him 2 family names to choose from…

"guess. hahaha"

i didn't reply. i didn't want to be part of him. i didn't want any part of this, wasn't it enough that he hurt me. our conversation was short. because i cut it short. because he wasn't there when i needed him, and i realized i didn't want any part of that anymore.

joe: i just wanted to say hi. hope you're okay.

me: ah okay. i found out what really happened…but i am sincerely happy for you. you don't have to check on me because i am fine.

joe: just wanted to say hi. i know your ok. saw you the other day. i'm not checking. just asking how things are. so you're starting to go big time now? you're getting famous.

me: yeah well, you don't have to ask me how things are either. you lied. just leave me alone.

joe: don't know what you heard but ok. won't bother you anymore.

i felt a sense of calm. then guilt that maybe i was harsh. but then it couldn't compare to what he did to me.. besides, he changed his car, changed his life, went back to his wife, has a better job, changed his number…why did he have to make me part of that…i don't want to be. the mere fact that he didn't even bother contacting me when he got back was a clear indication that he didn't want me in his new life…and i had to move on, especially after all the lies.

the next morning i spent the whole day with mik shopping. i realized, in the past 4 months, we have been through more shit than joe. and it wasn't because he was too eager of something…it's because mik and i have a good relationship, the type that we are not ashamed of. the way it should be for someone like me.

that night i gave mik my card. and he called me after he read it at home. nothings changed, he is still mik, i am still me, i guess the only thing that will change is the i love you's and even more open ness. i am happy. i want to move into my new life finally.