bad joe memory 2

it was christmas day and the whole day joe spet with his family in his home. he kept saying he would visit me, but it was already late afternoon and he didn't. we had a party at dad's which was even fewer blocks away from joe and it was dinner time. i sent him an sms, "do you think you could come by here to see me?" he answered, "nope"

nope. it hurt. it screamed. it was one word, without any other explanation. it was christmas day, and my boyfriend wasn't going to come an see me. i don't think he even had a gift for me.

the night went on and he said his friend was coming by to buy his car. so we just kept smsing, i just pretty much swallowed the fact that he can't visit me.

midnight came and suddenly, he wanted to go to the neighborhood bar we always went to. And it was quite on the way if he was going to pass by and visit me. So i asked him again and i got another nope.

Why was he going there? Because his in-laws were there…because his ex-wife was there. i felt so bad i wanted to cry, and this bar was only a few meters from my dad's place. marie was there, and he spotted him quickly. i felt really sad, i told him that until now, his exwife was still a priority over me…he gave me the most indecent and lamest excuse, "but you're in my heart." geezus. he was bullshitting me and i wasn't going to let it slide. i stayed outside my dad's place drinking for a couple of hours. he ignored my next messages. until i saw HIS CAR drive by quickly with him in it. he didn't even stop. he passed by my dad's place and i was there. it was christmas day and he didn't even stop!

"please stay away from me"

it broke my heart. but i knew i had to say it. what he did really hurt. i really felt worthless and unworthy of his time. i just wanted to end the hurt.

a day passed and no communication. i couldn't handle the silence. he didn't even bother to check what was going on. i told him to come over so we can talk and he did.

my eyes burned. i was crying for 2 days and sleeping in when i wasn't. he came in angry, and he sat in an uncomfortable position that made him look like he wanted to run away. he was angry. he told me that he knew his wife for 17 years and that was different. he didn't know why i was so jealous he said.

but i wasn't jealous. it was christmas day for god sakes. i was his girlfriend. why didn't he visit me. why did he go to the bar with his in-laws' single sms? i've been asking you to come over all day and you didn't. and your in-laws ask you ONCE at midnight and you decide to go?

he stopped. he said he didn't think of it that way. but something in his face told me that he jst didn't want to deal with the problem so he's going to give in. his sorry looked insincere. but i bought it anyway.

dear god why was i such a pushover. i remember this scenario and i want to kick myself for being such a wuss. i wish i could've seen the relationship for what it was: a short affair which didn't mean anything. he didn't really love me. i was his rebound. and i think i want to start not caring about this whole ting already. how could i let myself settle like that? things were so good at the start. but it really hurt me in the end. i guess it's true what people say, the way your relationship starts is the way it's going to end.