leftovers
Monday, May 21, 2007leftovers. the less you've eaten, the more leftovers. the less you have let go, the more leftovers. the slower you move on, you've got leftovers.
in the middle of all the hype here at work, the world froze on an 80's song joe liked. and it wasn't in my saturate me cd (a cd i play so that i get so sick of it, the songs won't remind me of joe, they'll just remind me of me.). i hate relapses. i'm having one now.
maybe it's the proximity. now that joe's back…he's back to living 3 minutes away from me, he's back to going to the malls i go to, and the possibility of going back to the places i frequent….places we used to frequent. i am trying to be good and avoid these places…but for god sakes…we drive the same road since we live so close together.
no there hasn't been any contact between me and him. i was actually quite jealous when marie saw him…i guess destiny never thought i should see him, i don't think it would be good for me anyway. when i think about it, there are a zillion reasons why i should get him out of my head…and only one reason for him to stay.
because i loved him.
and i don't know when that's going to change. maybe i just miss him…i don't know…but as long as i am still affected by these feelings, i assume they haven't fully left me.
no matter how many times i sing U2's With or Without You...I still can't seem to believe it. I'm also reading Greg B's It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken…yeah sure i get empowered to get out of this rut….but at the end of the day, or after sometime, i still get relapses…and those suck.
joe sucks. maybe i expected him to contact me. for god's sakes lokita, wake up! it's been 4 months! he is not coming back. if he really wanted to contact me, he knows and has all the ways to do so…he just probably doesn't want to. as greg b says…assume the worst. he's dating heidi klum, so get over it.
i suck. i think my heart..my mind is acting like a brat. the more i feed it, the worse i feel, the more i fight it, it goes away to haunt me on another day.
my friends seem to be getting tired of my sulkiing. i'm getting tired of my sulking. i want to stop feeling…and i wish i get the chance to tell joe to stay away from me…what he did, and didn't do hurt me. i feel worthless…and i am worthless to him.
funny, he's online now…he probably went back already…geezus i can't believe i'm actually checking that out.
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